


The Deep Pain of Leaving is Red Coloured

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Jealousy, Knives, M/M, Madness, Mental Breakdown, Murder, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14637243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: He hadn't been good as he would've liked. He still heard Hikaru’s breath, with the gurgle of the blood that slowly invaded his lungs, with that heaviness typical of who knows that breath might be the last one he even draws.





	The Deep Pain of Leaving is Red Coloured

He had his blood on him.

Kei cried, cried, cried and didn’t seem to be able to stop.

Hikaru stared at him with his eyes wide open, crystalized in an expression of complete dismay, as if he couldn’t understand what had just happened.

And he couldn’t explain it to him, and it did nothing but add up to his anxiety.

Kei was scared.

He was scared of that blood, he was scared of that stare.

He was scared of his own tears, because he wasn’t expecting them.

He would've expected pain. He would've expected satisfaction. He would've expected to see his anger fade, as if it had never been there, but nothing of that had happened.

_I’m sorry, Kei._

Hikaru’s words were still echoing in his mind, and didn’t let him rest.

He heard them, incessantly, so much that he brought his hands to his head to try and make them go away, erase them, somehow.

He couldn’t and he cried even harder, because that sound was hurting him.

He hadn't been good as he would've liked. He still heard Hikaru’s breath, with the gurgle of the blood that slowly invaded his lungs, with that heaviness typical of who knows that breath might be the last one he even draws.

_I’ve slept with Hikaru._

He laughed, among tears, while his head filled with images of Yabu and Hikaru together, their hands on each other’s body, their mouths clashing, and it was too much for him to bear it.

He got close to the other’s body, slowly, leaning over him and caressing his forehead, affectionate.

“I’m sorry, Hikka. Really, I am.” he murmured, fixing the hair on his face.

It was true, he was sorry, but he had to do it.

He laid down next to him, pressing his forehead against his temple, closing his eyes and breathing his scent.

Trying to focus on the blood’s and not his skin’s, or he was sure that his mind would've started playing tricks on him, and he would've felt it blending with Yabu’s.

Hikaru’s eyes were still open. They moved, they followed his movements. There wasn’t fear in them, and Kei knew there actually was little to be scared of, by now.

_I love him, Kei._

“He loves you, doesn’t he Hikka?” he murmured in the younger’s ear, trying his best to stop crying and failing. “So, where is he now?” he asked, a malicious smile on his face.

He thought he had heard Hikaru sigh, but the noise of the blood in his lungs made it unrecognizable.

“You don’t know, do you? Why he’s not here with you now? Why you weren’t with him while Kota too was chocked by his own blood, while I watched him trying his hardest to breathe like you’re doing now, while I watched his eyes close slowly? I was there with him, Hikaru. I was next to him while he died, and you weren’t.” he hissed, and finally the tears stopped, leaving room for the pure anger.

He saw the younger’s eyes finally become scared, filled with that cruel horror to the news of the death of the man he loved.

And Kei wanted to laugh, because if they hadn't loved each other Yabu would still be alive and Hikaru would've stayed home that night, going to sleep peacefully, perhaps thinking about Kota.

And he would've thought about him before dying, and it was what Kei wanted.

Because Yabu too had thought about Yaotome before he had died, but it was Kei’s face he had seen.

Because he had, and he had understood.

Because he had looked at him, begging him with his eyes, and Kei had showed him much more mercy than he had the younger.

Because it had been over sooner, because the knife had sunk into Kota’s body faster, because his eyes had taken much less to close forever.

Hikaru didn’t deserve as much.

Hikaru knew that Kei had always been in love with Yabu, he knew how much that love had costed him, he knew how far he would've pushed himself for it.

And he hadn't cared.

And while Kei was still crying because he was never going to be loved back, Hikaru’s body was already under Kota’s hands, and Kei didn’t even know about it.

He straddled him, his leg pushing a little further under his ribcage, but still not enough for it to be over.

“You know it’s what you deserve, Hikaru. You know you’ve betrayed me, and you know that this is the right price for your actions. I wished you could’ve lived, that we could’ve still been friends, that you could’ve kept listening to me... but you’ve stopped, all of a sudden. You’ve chosen Yabu over me, Yabu’s chosen you over me. Neither of you cared about how I felt, you haven’t given a damn about how much you would've hurt me.” he said, calm, his voice neutral. “And I won’t care about how much I hurt you.” he continued, sighing.

Then he pushed the knife deeper, and with one last chocked breath Hikaru’s eyes finally closed.

Inoo kept looking at him, and he thought that Kota looked better than him even in death, that his features had been less tormented, that he had accepted more willingly his punishment.

Even though, now none of that mattered.

All that mattered was the blood staining his clothes, Hikaru’s mixing with Kota’s, just like they had done behind his back, like they had mixed their bodies, their breaths, their skins.

Like they had their love, making Kei’s drown, so Kei had drowned their love.

That had killed them. It hadn't been him.

He got off of Hikaru’s lifeless body, fighting against the instinct of crying again.

Kei was tired.

But now he could’ve rested.

He knelt next to him, forcing himself not to look at him, not to think about what had happened, about the betrayal still burning on his skin.

If Yabu was dead and Hikaru was dead, he wasn’t going to suffer anymore because of them.

And he was never going to be happy either.

He wouldn’t have allowed himself that much pain, not anymore.

He pushed the knife against himself, then stroke the blow.

He was quicker with himself, because he had lingered too much.

None of them was ever going to belong to someone else after that night, and that would've avoided them all the pain.

He smiled.

Then, finally, he closed his eyes as well.

 

 


End file.
